On where I stand

So I’ve found myself in this kind of awkward pseudo-adulthood stage in my life. This really came into perspective when I wrote out about $1,000 worth of checks in one week to pay for some summer classes at IUK and my credit card bill. I’m too old now to completely rely on my parents for everything, but too young to move out and do things on my own. I work 40+ hours a week but I still couldn’t afford an apartment (even if I wanted to move out). It’s akin to sitting in an airport terminal, wondering when my flight will take off. Is it delayed? Is there some kind of mechanical malfunction? Is the plane going to fall out of the sky? I realize I’m 19 years old, no one expects me to be on my own right now. This isn’t some cliche “who am I really and why am I here?” bull. What will be will be. But I’m impatient, I always have been. I’m ready to go but also fully aware that I am not yet capable. Then I think about it even more and it just gets scary. Earlier in the week I was considering buying a new car since the american auto industry is basically singing its swan song (though admittedly it’s not so beautiful) and they’re doing everything they can to sell cars (My dad is in the auto industry and my brother is in the airline industry. My family is basically sailing on the Titanic). Then I thought, what in the hell makes me think I can handle a car payment? I think that’s called “biting off more than one can chew”. So my options are limited, but my dreams are big. I’m sure one day I’ll look back on this and realize I was an idiot and should’ve tried harder to enjoy what I have now, but until then…I can’t help but find myself watching the tarmac intently. 

Causal Argumentation

So as I lay thinking over my ‘man-as-an-experiment-in-imperfection’ theory, I realized something: how can God create something he has no comprehension of? I mean, if He truly does not know what imperfection is, how could He create it? It’s like Descartes’ Causal Argument:

      The cause of an idea must have as much reality as the idea represents its object as having

Therefore, in order to create imperfection, God must know what imperfection actually is. But perhaps we weren’t created so much to, for lack of a better term, “invent” imperfection, but rather to see it in action since He was already aware of it. Hm. Maybe I should just go to sleep. Before I go, though, I think I will leave you with the Causal Argument for God’s Existence (from Descartes’ Meditation III) 

1. The cause of an idea must have as much reality as the idea represents its object as having
2. Only a perfect God has as much reality as my idea of God represents him as having
3. The cause of my idea of God is a perfect God
4. Therefore, a perfect God really exists

Basically, it says that since we came up with the idea for God, we must have experienced Him at some point, so He must exist.

Sleep on that. 

 

Baseline

I lay awake in bed a lot, waiting for my mind to return to its “baseline”. Essentially, it’s the point where all the superficial and nonessential things my mind worries about settle; the way an equalizer looks after the song stops basically. Once I reach that point I can really focus on things or simply try and listen for God. The majority of my thoughts are religion oriented during this time. A couple nights ago one question kept me thinking long into the morning: what if we are merely the result of God’s curiosity about imperfection? I mean, if the Bible is to be believed and the Lord is perfection in every way and can accept nothing less, suppose he began to wonder what it was like to be imperfect. Perhaps He truly could not comprehend what imperfection is like just as you and I can’t really comprehend Him.  Thus, we were born. A flawed creature plunked down into his own world to run it any way he sees fit (and, inevitably, run it imperfectly). God, being the way He is, sends Jesus down so that we can one day be reunited, but while we are here He simply watches us in amazement at the new and incredible ways we come up with to be ….imperfect. I loved this idea for a number of reasons; the main reason being that it gave me a picture of God sitting right above earth just watching us with a smile on His face or a look of shock as we screw something else up. I know it’s weird but it made Him feel close to, like knowing He was always watching and loving His flawed creation. I realize the absurdity of this; but then again that is one of my favorite parts of my baseline thoughts: their pure abstraction.